Bonus Hunting SCUM!!!!!

In my job as a Customer Support Reprentative for an online gambling company, I come across untold dozens of COMPLETE FUCKING MORONS and SCUM-SUCKING SCAMMERS. I have a few tips for all of you Wastes of Fucking Life (WoFLs – has a nice ring, dontcha think?):

1. YOU DO NOT NEED TO OPEN 10+ ACCOUNTS – what makes you think, IF YOU THINK AT ALL, that you are going to have better luck at different casinos within the same group of casinos which all run THE EXACT SAME SOFTWARE, WITH THE SAME SELECTION OF GAMES? HMMM?!?? I do not give a fuck if you are superstitious – use your brains for SOMETHING OTHER THAN KEEPING YOUR THICK SKULLS FROM COLLAPSING.

2. IF you do not receive a bonus automatically, it is because YOU ARE NOT ELIGIBLE – SO JUST! DEAL!! WITH IT!!! – Perhaps if you had actually bothered to READ THE FUCKING RULES TO WHICH YOU AGREED WHEN YOU OPENED THE ACCOUNT, you would not have had the problem you are BITCHING ON AND ON ABOUT. For instance – we allow 3 no-deposit and first deposit bonuses PER COMPUTER, PER PERSON, and PER HOUSEHOLD.

If you do not receive your bonus automatically, it is because you have more than 3 accounts. OR, if you are actually depositing real money – it is because you have deposited OUTSIDE OF THE TIME-FRAME for the promotion. OR it is is because the promotion only applies to THE FIRST DEPOSIT of the day during the promotion, not on every deposit. OR it is because you did not read that the promotion only applies to specific deposit methods.

3. Go to Las Vegas and see what kind of comps you will get there for your massive $25 deposit, YOU CHEAP FUCKS!!! You might get a free drink while you are sitting at your slot machine. Go up to the casino host and ask for a comp for that $25, and you’ll likely get something like THIS:

4. SPARE US YOUR EXCUSES – You are expected to be aware of the conditions of your holding an account with us, as well as the conditions of specific promotions. If you do not conform to these conditions, that will be YOUR PROBLEM, NOT OURS. Appreciate any slack we cut you – we are not obligated to do so.

5. GET AN ATTENTION SPAN, ALREADY – Realise that you may not be the ONLY PERSON WITH WHOM WE HAVE TO CHAT, since we have several dozen casinos and SEVERAL TENS OF THOUSANDS OF OTHER PLAYERS. So if we do not answer you in the first 10 NANOSECONDS after you contact us, try to wait attentively, and KEEP YOUR EYES OFF YOUR SOAP OPERA/REALITY TV/MUSIC VIDEO, or your ear away from your precious CELL PHONE, et-bloody-fucking-cetera. WE WILL GET TO YOU ASAP. Of course, you are welcome to FUCK OFF AND DIE at ANY TIME – [denisleary]THANK YOU FOR CALLING! THANK YOU FOR CALLING![/denisleary]

To summarise – lay off the multiple accounts, read the rules, QUIT YER BITCHIN AND SHIT THE FUCK UP – especially if you have NO INTENTION OF DEPOSITING A SINGLE PENNY WITH US (minimum deposit is $25, though). GOT IT? GOOD!!!!!

Sympatico Internet Sucks Balls

Bell Canada’s Sympatico service is, without a doubt, the crappiest broadband provider it has been my displeasure to sign up with. Let me count the ways:

1. YES, IT IS A ROUTER!!! – I use programs which require that I be able to access my computer over the ol’ Intarweb – VNC, SHOUTCAST, etc. – I’ve never had trouble setting these up with either Shaw or Telus’ services in BC. I come out here to Montreal, sign up with Bell, and receive what I thought would be a DSL modem. Turns out the Speedstream 5200 is a bloody router – but dont’ expect the level 1 techs (HAH!) to admit that to you. Found me a workaround or two, though – Naa-na-na-na naaa-na!

2. SIGN UP FOR ULTRA FAST SERVICE, GET CHARGED $100 – Bell’s super-genius database seems to interpret some subscription changes (to higher/lower speed services, etc) as early termination of contract requests – so it promptly has a skilled employee _{(*cough* Bullshit *cough*)} send me a notice saying I have to pay $100 immediately. Well, they cleared that up – but didn’t bother to still put my subscription to the higher level through – brilliant. *RING* Hello, Videotron?

3. NOW DNS SEES IT, NOW IT DOESN’T???!??? – OK – Please explain to me why one instant I can be working my way through a few posts on my favourite web forum, or even back and forth between the Yahoo weather forecast for Montreal and My Yahoo, and then next second I see “www.pwn3d.com cannot be found. Please check the name and try again”. This happens frequently within the space of one day – there one second, gone the next, then back in 30 minutes, then gone??!!?? I never had any such problem with Shaw, Telus, or any dial-up (shudder) provider. PATHETIC. Have to dig up a workaround for this as well (crosses fingers).

UPDATE (4 Sept 05): [nelson] Haaa-ha!!![/nelson] Got me a workaround – use alternate DNS server addresses – for your TCP/IP or for your Speedstream “modem” a.k.a ROUTER – I’m using 4.2.2.1 and 4.2.2.2 (credit where it’s due – found the workaround HERE)

Bell Canada’s Sympatico Internet Service Sucks the Sweat off a Dead Man’s Balls – END OF STORY.

Take Care

My condolences to all those hit by Hurrican Katrina. I hope that most people will be able to find their way to a safe haven, and start getting their lives back together, as much as that is possible, at least.

[EDIT] Strange how this situation has dropped out of most media reports I have seen lately – sure, I mostly watch Canadian newscasts, and there may be more coverage in the United States (particularly in southern states) but I would think that the recovery effort is still ongoing, and in need of continual assistance, financial and material. [tinfoilhatmode] Must be because President Sock-puppet wants to keep his fuck-ups out of the public attention, knowing how well “out of sight, out of (puny) mind” applies to the majority of viewers.[/tinfoilhatmode]